the queen's bench

Yesterday was a really, really bad day.

I went for a haircut on Tuesday, which actually went really well! But for some bizarre reason, I got up on Thursday feeling really dissatisfied with the length of my hair – so I made the worst decision of my life, and went to trim another 1cm off of it – just a centimeter off shoulder-length-ish hair. And OH MY GOD, the hairstylist person actually went ahead and gave me a MAJOR layered bob. And now my hair is hitting my neck at the most awkward and unflattering point and I am now, essentially, mushroom shaped. Which works for some of the girls on America’s Next Top Model – but obviously, I am not even a little bit “top model” (or I wouldn’t be in law school at all, I would be hitting the runway in gorgeous designer dresses and doing the sort of “hard work” that slouching expressionlessly in front of the camera entails.) (To digress – I got so amused whenever Raina Heins of ANTM Cycle 14 talked about “giving up volleyball” for a career in modelling. I’m sorry, but she was playing college volleyball – some of the girls on ANTM gave up their studies in med. school. It’s not the same thing, Raina, unless you played volleyball for the United States of America…not the same thing.) Okay anyway, so to recap – I had real nice hair; I cut it; and now I am majorly regretting my impulsive decision to have it cut.

AND I was in the midst of moping and grieving and mourning over my hair – oh my god, I was this close to skipping trial advocacy class altogether because I wanted to curl up at home and cry – WHEN THINGS GOT A WHOLE LOT WORSE. How much worse could things have gotten? You might innocently, wonder. Yes indeed, when it rains, it truly pours. Anyway, I got this phonecall from school asking why I wasn’t at my scholarship interview. And I was like “holy fuck! mother of god, WHAT SCHOLARSHIP INTERVIEW?! TODAY?! ” (obviously I only said this in my head) And then I was told that we had all gotten an email about it this Monday. But I had missed the email – after more than one month of religiously checking my email for a reply about my scholarship application, I managed to skim past it when it actually came. Is that majorly bad luck or what?! And so anyway, I was given an hour to rush down unprepared for the scholarship interview. And I was at my aunt’s house, which is a forty minute traffic jam away from my actual house where my interview clothes are!

Luckily, I was given some brief reprieve from the bad luck that was hailing on me, and my aunt’s driver raced me to Tampines where I got my clothes and my documents and then back to school for the interview, which I messed up! I think they liked me, but only in the way you like bimbos because they’re too stupid to be much harm. I definitely was not impressive at all. They asked why I like Torts and I said I like it for the horror stories. OH, OF ALL THE BUFFET OF POSSIBLE ANSWERS, RANGING FROM ”INTRIGUING” TO “MINDFUCKINGLY BRILLIANT” – WHY, WHY DID I HAVE TO PICK SUCH A DUMBASS ANSWER?! “I like it  for the horror stories” is something you say when… people ask why you read tabloid magazines or why you religiously follow gofugyourself…which shouldn’t even be literature scholars indulge in at all. It is NOT an appropriate response for a question about academics. Sigh, sigh, sigh.

To conclude, it was a really, really bad day. I hope I never ever have a repeat of such a disastrous day.  And I shall do multiple good deeds to rack up the good karma needed to never ever have such a bad day again. If you wish me to do you some kind of  favor, now is a really really good time to ask.

The end.

Alone time, finally.

The family has ditched the house (and me) for more happening weekend plans than I have…and I am so alone and happy! This is time I have been craving; as a reclusive,  private  and (almost-)creepily loner Cancerian, alone-time is paramount. And yet, looking back on the week, I realise I have had precious little to myself! I was on the bus home last night, reflecting on my week when it struck me that (1) I haven’t managed anything more than 1 episode from my weekly schedule of 7 television programmes this week and that (2) I haven’t managed to complete much of tutorials either! And I was wondering where all my time went, when I realised how attention-starved my extended and direct families are!

Here is my daily routine: I get home from school and all I really want to do is to have power-nap or to get started on clearing my serious backlog of readings but first, before I can do that, Big N walks in to talk about his day. And obviously, I listen because I like to maintain healthy channels of communication with my family (hahaha, straight from MCDYS family campaigns). And then, when he’s finished and I think I can turn my attention back to work or sleeeep or the newest episode of America’s Next Top Model,  M walks into whine (about school) or rave (about some celebrity). When she’s done, it’s basically dinner time – which is a very stressful affair for me, because I am scared of my Aunt. I look alive and interested and pray I don’t have to say anything which will reveal my plebian ignorance of worldly affairs (or something). And after dinner, Little N bugs me to play with him or to watch a movie with him or else, he just sits wherever I am studying and prattles on about everything in the background (or else he tries to show me coin tricks which never work;  or his latest collection of rubbish). And I cannot resist because he hugs me and he does cute faces and he tells me I will be his best friend if I go watch __(Matrix Reloaded/ Spongebob Squarepants/ Aliens vs. Monsters)___ with him.

Usually, I am okay with all that – there is a certain warmth to the routine. And I suppose, I am not uninterested in gossip and in hearing about people’s lives, hahaha. (Also, it’s a slight ego-boost knowing I’m somebody they actually bother bothering, haha). BUT oh my, I can’t do anything I set out to do! And I’m getting pretty antsy about falling so far behind at every subject (I’m not being competitive-paranoid; it is so true).

So on Thursday, I decided to head home to Tampines, where I usually enjoy infinitely more privacy. And when I got home, I thought I’d quickly finish up my CLT readings and then head to sleep. But even though it was close to eleven already and I was very tried and stressed about my CLT, my brother came in for a chat! And because I thought it wasn’t fair that everybody else should have my time but my very own brother, of course I listened and everything.

And I guess that’s the way it is. I keep getting drawn into a vortex of…Family, or something. It’s nice – and obviously, I would rather they steal my time than to spend their whole lives ignoring me. But ohmygod, I really really have to catch up with work. And I do want to stick to my super well thought-out, super entertaining, super enjoyable TV schedule. I think I shall have to be a bit more selfish this time around. The truth is, I am so exhausted!